By John C. Maxwell
John Maxwell offers one simple premise in Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What The Most Effective People Do Differently
I am convinced more than every that good communication and leadership are all about connecting."
Maxwell convinced me! More importantly, he helped me.
Everyone Communicates, Few Connect is going to give you what you need to improve your ability to connect with others, but you won't be able to absorb it or apply it in one read. Connecting takes time. This is a book that must be lived in in order to be lived out. My copy is full of highlights, but here is my primary takeaway :
Connecting with other people doesn't just happen on its own. If you want to connect with others, you must be intentional about it. And that always requires energy. p. 72
Maxwell has much to say about energy. I appreciated the "Four Unpardonable Sins of a Communicator": Being unprepared, uncommitted, uninteresting, or uncomfortable. He notes that the common denominator for three of the four is energy. Connecting always requires energy. p. 76, 77 "The larger the group, the more energy that's required to connect." p. 93, 95
Connecting intentionally is the key to great communication -- and it takes energy -- was my primary takeaway, but here are twelve more that will help me expand that effort. I have selected one to work on for each month in 2021:
January: Practice Presence -- Pay attention to other people. Let go of your story. Ask about their stories. Prior to any talk, take the time to walk around and greet others. Be the last one to leave. "It's difficult to find common ground with others when the only person you are focused on is yourself." p. 123
February: Utilize Maxwell's (pre/post) communication checklist -- Integrity: Did I do my best?; Expectation: Did I please my sponsor?; Relevance: Did I add value to the people?; Application: Did I give people a game plan?; Change: Did I make a difference? See also his "How To Be Interesting" (p. 173 ff) checklist: 1. Take responsibility for your listeners; 2. Communicate to their world; 3. Capture people's attention from the start (comment on the situation/setting; Introduce yourself; Relax; Begin with humor; Create a sense of anticipation); 4. Activate your audience (ask questions, get people moving, ask them to interact); 5. Say it strong by crafting the sticky line; 6. Be visual; 7. Tell stories. TK: Utilize a different checklist for a month/quarter at a time.
March: Get over yourself! -- "When people come to me and ask me, 'John, what's the secret to being a great communicator?' I have very simple advice for them: Get over yourself. Just get over yourself." John Maxwell
April: Plug energy leaks -- Are you identifying and plugging your energy leaks? Only do what only you can do? What are you doing that exhausts you that is not in your primary sweet spot? Take time to check your gauges.
May: The fame factor -- George Michael on fame: "You've got to understand, I don't inhale any of that. It's dangerous?" Ask the question: "Are you beginning to inhale kudos, praise, recognition?"
June: Insta-talks -- Identify the 10 talks you could give at a moment's notice. Begin to outline each and determine the means by which you are going to carry and access them. See page 108
July: Humor -- Humor: "Rare is the communicator who is able to connect with people without using humor." p. 109. You know it's not your strong suit. Look for it. Listen for it. Utilize it once a week.
August: Writing check-up -- "After listening to hundreds of speakers and authors, I've come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world of communication: there are speakers who write and writers who speak. I have yet to meet someone who does both at the highest level." p. 113 You are a writer. What are your goals? Your plan? Your action against that plan?
September: Build common ground -- Guard against: 1. Assumptions: "I already know what others know, feel, and want." 2. Arrogance: "I don't need to know what others know, feel, or want." 3. Indifference: "I don't care to know what others know, feel, or want." 4. Control: I don't want others to know what I know, feel, or want. Foster: 1. Availability: I will choose to spend time with others. 2. Listening: I will listen my way to common ground."
October: Humility check -- "False humility downplays one's genuine strengths to receive praise. Arrogance plays up one's strength to receive praise. Humility raises up others so they can be praised." p. 138 Consider meetings, cabinet interactions, student sessions. How are you doing?
November: Message preparation -- Ask two questions of your talk: "What are the bare essentials that I need to communicate for people to understand it?" and "How can I make those few point memorable?"
December: Are you listening? -- "Good leaders are good listeners. To be most effective, they follow this pattern: listen, learn, and then lead." p. 204. How are you doing?
Great quotes:
1. "The wise does at once what the fool does at last." p. 81
2. "It's all about connections. I want to connect with people; I want people to think, 'Yeah, that's how I feel.' And, if I can do that, that's an accomplishment." Carole King, p. 111
3. "All great speakers were bad speakers first." Ralph Waldo Emerson, p. 116
4. "Listening requires giving up on our favorite human pastime--involvement in ourselves and our own self-interest." p. 133
5. "My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions." Peter Drucker, p. 134
6. "Why?" Larry King's favorite interview question.
7. Humility: "Humility means knowing and using your strength for the benefit of others, on behalf of a higher purpose." Alan Ross, p. 138
8. Simplicity: "The be simple is to be great." Ralph Waldo Emerson, p. 152.
9. Involvement: "Most people want to feel a part of the experience, yet they don't want to stand out in a group." Ask questions that are general enough not to put people on the spot. Maxwell p. 183
10. Friendship: "The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear." Maya Angelou, p. 204
11. Conviction: "What convinces people is conviction. Believe in the argument you're advancing. If you don't, you're as good as dead. The other person wills sense that something isn't there, and no chain of reasoning, no matter how logical or elegant or brilliant, will win your case for you." p. 209
12. Connecting: "Connecting has a lot to do with letting who you are influence everything you do." p. 210
13. Acknowledging mistakes: "If you have to eat crow, eat it while it's young and tender." Thomas Jefferson, p. 234
John Maxwell is not only a great communicator and great leader, he is also a great observer of people and processes, such as what makes connecting moments. I appreciate it. I am better for it. Thanks John!